A MAD giggle escapes. Insanity threatens to take over. The rev counter nears the red zone. What's the speed limit? Do I really care anymore? I just need more of this drug - the Alfa Romeo 147 GTA.
I'm glad this car wasn't around when I was a kid. By now I'd be talking engines with Steve McQueen. Figues like 0-62mph in 6.3 seconds, a top speed of 153mph from the 3.2-litre V6 beauty of an engine merely scrape at the surface of a car in a class of its own.
It offers what human nature craves, power and speed. Alfa has ensured it's highly addictive. In reality the government should insist on a health warning printed on its side.
The whole package is stunning. The outside is better looking than Cameron Diaz. But it would never make a Charlie's Angel as it's firmly in league with the devil.
The shark-nose front, the honeycomb grills on the rear, the 17-inch alloy wheels with red brake calipers emblazoned with the legend Alfa Romeo, are elements of an in-your-face design that is just about perfection.
The 147 that Alfa lent me was green rather than the usual red or silver, but it still turned more heads than a 747.
It takes a heartbeat to break a speed limit in this car. It's almost impossible to drive legally. That's not all Alfa's fault. The engineers have given the GTA impeccable manners around town and, indeed, it will happily burble along in sixth gear at 30mph.
No, where fault does lie is in the offer of forbidden fruit. Work the engine and it demands more. It only sounds truly happy pulling revs at which most cars would cry 'service'.
Unfortunately the boys in blue rightly take a dim view of the speeds it can achieve, and as yet it's no defence to blame the engine or manufacturer for providing temptation.
The traction control struggles manfully to cope with the 250 wild Italian horses being put through the front wheels, which also have to cope with the majority of the braking and steering as well.
In fact if I were the front wheels I'd take Alfa to an industrial tribunal for unfair dismissal of rubber.
The six speed manual transmission is slicker than a spin doctor in a vat of vaseline. It conducts an engine with an operatic sound Pavarotti would be proud of.
Thankfully the 147 also comes with an impressive safety specification as standard. There's the feeling a driver may require it sooner rather than later during a relationship with this tempestuous beast.
Step inside and the interior has more style than the contents of a supermodel's wardrobe. There's not nearly as much space as in a Ford Focus and Honda Civic, but then they're really for a different market.
Two adults will fit in the back but three would require a shoe horn and some goose fat. The boot is similarly quite small, but adequate.
The seats are a dream to sit in, hugging the driver tightly, providing support and comfort. The interior feels more expensive than it is, and the dash is all aluminium dials with red digital displays.
Equipment levels are excellent with goodies including climate control with individual settings for driver and passenger, a CD player, cruise control, electric windows and mirrors and wheel-mounted stereo controls.
The handling is razor sharp, but the turning circle would embarrass a bus. The steering only takes 1.75 turns to reach full lock.
The ride is firm, indeed it would put the 'Iron' in Mike Tyson, but this gives a tremendous amount of grip.
It doesn't matter anyway - I'd forgive this car just about anything for the funfair thrills it offers to the driver. Yes it has faults, but give me £23,000 and there'd be only one car I'd be buying from the showroom.
It may be as sane as Herbert Lom in the Pink Panther - but Alfa's 147GTA is a winner.
FAST FACTS
Alfa Romeo 147GTA
Price: £22,750
Mechanical: 250bhp, 3,179cc, 6cyl petrol engine driving front wheels via 6-spd manual transmission
Max speed: 153mph
0-62mph: 6.3secs
Combined mpg: 23.3
Insurance group: 19
CO2 emissions: 287g/km
BiK rating: 35%
Warranty: 3yrs/ 60,000miles; 8yrs anti-rust; 3yrs paint